Academic and Cultural Education

As you read these host family guidelines, you're preparing to welcome a foreign exchange student!

People from all around the world participate each year in the exchange experience. One common theme with almost all host families and exchange students is that their year was not what they expected. It is too hard to imagine a year of living with a teenager from another country and culture with a different set of values and beliefs until you experience it first hand. The best thing you can do to prepare for your adventure ahead is to understand that the American culture and the culture of your exchange student are not superior or inferior to each other, only different. And what better way to enrich your family’s life than to learn about and experience these differences with your student. By learning about another culture you will be learning about your own culture. Things around you that used to go by unnoticed will take on a whole new meaning as you see them through the eyes of a foreign person.

The student who will come into your home is leaving his/her family and way of life in hopes of adapting to your family and way of life. You will have the opportunity of a lifetime as you embark on this enriching cross-cultural experience while making a lifelong friend with a person from another country. Think ahead of ways you can help your student adapt to your home and be open to the fact that your student will come with a different set of ideas and beliefs that your own. During your personal relationship with your student, you will be able to see different behaviors as a reflection of your student’s culture, rather than a conflict with your own beliefs. You will be able to share with your student the accepted behaviors in your home and community. You can enter into a discussion on basic issues like dating, studying, and church as a possible learning experience for both of you, rather than a desire to make your student conform. Although your student must conform to your rules and standards, your student will not always conform to your beliefs. Remember that your student has spent his/her life in a family and culture different than your own. Be willing to respect your student’s beliefs as you would expect him/her to respect yours. Through your love and understanding your student will be more open to considering what you have to say.

Through this personal interaction and time of living together, you and your student can feel proud to achieve your own international understanding.

All that is expected of you is that you provide a bed for your student. Your student may share a bedroom with another sibling of the same sex and with no more than a 4 year age discrepancy. You are also expected to furnish meals: all those eaten at home or when the family eats out in a restaurant. Your student needs to pay for his/her own school lunches. It is never appropriate for a student to request reduced meal tickets from the school.

The role that you are agreeing to for the upcoming year is to be a parent, teacher, advisor and student to your exchange student. You will be coaching and learning at the same time. Your student has left his/her family at home and will be the happiest if s/he truly feels s/he is part of your family. A child feels appreciated when s/he can fulfill your expectations and loved when you decide to set boundaries for him/her. Your student is not a guest in your home but a family member. All rules apply as well as the expectations that your student will help out with family responsibilities and chores. Remember that your student wants to be part of your home. Your student will feel like an outsider if you pamper him/her all year long. Treat your student just like a child of your own.

In order to be prepared and have a successful year, you must be willing to face challenges that will arise. Being flexible and open minded will be your best assets. You will be learning about and accepting behavior that you are not used to. You will look at your life through the eyes of another person and have the opportunity to reevaluate yourself and the world around you in a different way. Please take the time to share your culture and explain it. English is your student’s second language. Do not assume your student understands everything you are saying. It is helpful to ask him/her to repeat back to you what you have just said to make sure s/he understands.

If your student is coming for the academic school year s/he will arrive mid-late August. It is ideal for your student to have about a week to settle in before starting school. ACE will try to avoid students arriving more than two weeks prior to the start of school to prevent boredom or homesickness form setting in. You will receive the student’s flight information either from your ACE Area Coordinator or directly from your student. Don’t be surprised of you get the information from your student before it has gone through all of the ACE channels. Your ACE Area Coordinator will usually be at the airport with you to meet your student. Have as many members of your family as possible with you. Your student will feel so relieved to finally meet you. What better way to start off than to see you waiting for him/her when s/he gets off the airplane. Come with a sign or banner welcoming your student so s/he will recognize you immediately. Be creative!

The day your student is expected to arrive, it is imperative that your ACE Area Coordinator knows how and where to reach you. Your ACE Area Coordinator will confirm your student’s arrival time and will need to contact you immediately if there are any problems. You will want to know if you student misses a connecting flight or gets delayed before you go all the way to the airport. Be in close contact to avoid an unnecessary trip.

Remember that when your student gets off the plane s/he has probably been traveling for the past 24 hours. The jet lag from international travel can last several days. Your student probably did not sleep much from the excitement and apprehension of his/her year ahead. Remember that your student’s enthusiasm may not match yours. Try to keep your sentences simple and don’t be offended if s/he dozes off in the back seat of the car. Be sure to ask your student if s/he is hungry. S/He may want to eat on the way home or s/he may just want to sleep.

When you arrive home, show your student around the house and give him/her the basics as far as how things work and where to find what. Have a welcoming note propped next to the bed or on the door of the room. This helps establish your student’s space. Don’t expect your student to unpack immediately and don’t be offended if s/he sleeps all day and wakes up famished late at night. Your student’s body clock is still adjusting. The next morning you can begin discussing your morning ritual with your student, giving him/her phone numbers, instructions on answering the phone/taking messages, a house key, small dictionary, and whatever other useful information you would like to share. Be sure to write down each family member’s name and age and what each one would like to be called. What would you like your student to call you?

Do not overwhelm your student with activity the first day or two as s/he will still be recovering from jet lag. Be prepared to help your student get busy soon after, however, so s/he doesn’t begin dwelling on his/her home and family that s/he left behind. You may suggest a bike ride around the neighborhood or have a BBQ with neighborhood teenagers so s/he can meet some of the kids s/he will go to school with. Help your student get his/her room organized and be sure to leave a bulletin board where s/he can tack up photos or souvenirs. Your student will feel at home faster if s/he can personalize the room. You may take your student shopping for a poster that s/he can pick out and hang up.

Remember, too much information too fast will soon be forgotten. Be willing to repeat yourself often at first and never be afraid to modify your rules as you go. It will be very helpful to your student if you write down al house instructions so your student can be relieved of having to try to remember it all.

Your family has its own unique communication system. Each member has established unspoken rules about how to live with each other, respect each other’s privacy and get along. Suddenly a new person who came from a whole different way of living and communicating enters. Consider this adjustment exciting and fascinating as you discover new ideas, but also be willing to present your student with the need to adjust to your system of relating to each other. Do not expect this to come naturally for him/her. Be patient as you teach and guide your student along.

Some languages do not have a word for “please”. If your student says, “give me some juice”, this may shock you at first. Remember that English is your student’s second language. Your student is trying his/her best to communicate properly. Simply coach him/her by saying, “in American, you must say “please” when you want something or you will offend people around you.” S/He will be very happy to understand this rather than be considered rude.

You may not be the family that your student expected, just as your student may not be exactly what you were expecting. TV and other media sources can sometimes give us a false image of how others live and think. We can easily get locked into stereotypes without even realizing it. Consider this an opportunity to break that cycle. If you create a fantasy in your mind of how your student will act and how your year will go you will be sadly disappointed when your fantasy doesn’t become reality. Like any other relationship we encounter, this one will be unique and fill of surprises. Don’t worry if there are awkward moments or hesitation on either side. It takes time for all members of the family to determine what role they play and how they will interact with one another. The more you verbalize your actions and feelings the more your student will learn to do the same. In a short time you will feel like you’ve always known each other.

Your family has a set of rules that they live by. Some rules are obvious; other are unspoken rules that no one mentions but everyone follows. Some rules are a constant source of discussion and/or argument, while others are never challenged. Think ahead about that rules are most important to you. Think about the rules that are never mentioned but that your student will need to be told in order to understand and make a list. Have each family member do the same. Don’t be surprised if there are rules that you don’t think of, but need to add to the list down the road. Do not wait to discuss this list with your student. This should be done shortly after your student arrives. The sooner the better. In fact, if possible, give a brief overview of the house rules in one of the letters that you write him/her prior to his/her arrival.

The most important thing you can do is to put your rules and expectations in writing and be firm and clear from the very beginning. Many experienced host families will say that it is easier to start out firm and loosen up a bit as you go than it is to start out loose and try to firm up later. Do not treat your student as a house guest. As strange as it may feel treat him as a family member from the very beginning. Do not be afraid to add to or modify the list as you go. Tell your student from the start that the list is comprised of what you foresee and may be subject to change as you go. Be patient. Make sure that everything is understood and be willing to give a reminder now and then.

When giving your student a list of chores to be done, be sure to always tell him/her when you would like them completed. Also, make sure s/he understands your standards for cleanliness and where s/he can find the supplies s/he will need. If your student doesn’t clean to your standards or seems to take a long time to do a simple task, do it with him/her once or twice so s/he can see what it is you want. Please do not stop giving your student chores to do even if it takes a while for him/her to catch on.

If you find that your student and family are doing really well but there are just a few annoying habits, you may choose to overlook them thinking they’ll eventually work themselves out. Maybe so, but it is very important to look for danger signs that you are not actually overlooking them, but rather getting more and more frustrated about them. Perhaps your student keeps using a metal fork on your nice cookware or doesn’t answer a call that comes through on your call waiting line. These little nothings can become quite irritating over time. When you have finally let them build up, you may let everything come out at once in anger and your student will respond by saying “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Like any successful relationship the key is communication. Don’t let the little nothings build up.

It is highly recommended that you have a meeting once a week with your family and student to discuss how things are going – both good and bad. Your student will greatly appreciate this time to be able to talk about what s/he is experiencing that week. You will be able to share with your student things that you would like to change or give him/her praise for successes. The open forum will feel safer for everyone to share and communicate and is much easier than an angry confrontation. Think ahead about a time that may work well for the family to meet weekly for a half hour discussion, perhaps over the Sunday meal or every Thursday night before bed. Whatever you do, try to provide a safe and open forum for communication. It will be well worth it.

This section was not written to help you handle problems if they arise; it was written to help you handle problems when they arise. Problems will come up somewhere. Your student may be frustrated with a teacher at school or not understand his government homework; or the problem may be within the home. All of the students screened and selected for the ACE Program come with one guarantee – they are teenagers and will most likely act like teenagers. This can mean certain predictable reactions to conflicts, disagreements, or problems of any kind. Just remember, you are the adult and you will set the standard for conflict resolution within your home. The key is to be prepared.

Most teenagers have certain predictable habits when it comes to dealing with conflict. Many adults may find themselves using these same habits as well. It is important to be confident in your ability to deal with conflict and set an example for your household. Your student may be inclined to respond to a problem by becoming defensive and blaming others, by ignoring it, or by staying overly busy and unavailable to deal with it. It may be tough to communicate about a problem when your student is closed off and denying that it exists. Just remember that if you stick with it you should be able to get through it together. If you feel you need help you may call on your ACE Area Coordinator.

Your ACE Area Coordinator is available to support both you and your student. S/He will always try to take a neutral stance and offer guidance and suggestions as you go. Sometimes, what seems like a problem is a simple misunderstanding. Your ACE Area Coordinator can help iron this out for you. Be sure to keep communication open with your ACE Area Coordinator about the positive and negative experiences you may be having.

Let’s be clear about the actual function of your ACE Area Coordinator. S/He volunteers a lot of time to ACE in addition to a wide variety of commitments and interests aside from ACE. Although busy and active, your ACE Area Coordinator has a commitment to fulfill and is dedicated to providing an opportunity for your and your student to have a positive experience. S/He is interested in helping you solve your problems and is excited to hear about your rewarding experience as well. If you feel you need more help than your ACE Area Coordinator can provide, then you may call your ACE Program Coordinator for additional assistance. Your first line of communication, however, should always be your ACE Area Coordinator.

If you have teenagers in the family then your already understand some of the typical conflicts that can occur during this period of life. That’s the positive side for you. You also know that although your student may have no conflict going on, your own child may be experiencing rivalry or resentment. It might be difficult for you to be the referee but the most important thing you can do is not take sides. Be sure to always listen to your student and your own child. Be fair and open. Both your student and your child deserve the same amount of support and understanding from you.

After the ‘honeymoon’ wears off, your children may resent the attention and focus given to your student. If you plan a fun day trip they may feel that it’s all for the student rather than for the whole family. They may have expected a captive best friend. They may begin realizing that they don’t have as much in common with their new brother or sister as they thought they would. They may not like the way your student dresses or the fact that s/he is getting better grades. While it is important to hear your child’s feelings, it is also important to make sure that s/he doesn’t project their anger onto the student. Try to remind your child of all the positives of living with another person. Discuss how much is being learned about communication, sharing, and respecting a different culture and lifestyle. Remind them of how much is being gained by the whole family form this experience.

The definition of culture is the skills, arts, etc. of a given people in a given time period; the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a group. The definition of shock is a violet impact, collision, an alarming and disconcerting experience. Therefore, culture shock is a violent impact or collision of beliefs, skills, arts social forms, material traits, etc. It is a shock to everything that we know and live each day. Culture shock can be experienced by anyone, to some degree, at any point in their life. When submerged in a foreign environment where all familiar cues are removed, the natural response is culture shock. Not everyone will experience it in the same way. Some people view change as exciting and awesome. Others feel that change is frightening and threatening. The adjustment largely depends on the period of adjustment. When we must conduct our daily life differently, every day, for a long period of time, anxiety and frustration can occur. There is not break from the cultural differences. No place to go that is familiar for a time out. Your student may say to you, “my brain hurts from constantly thinking about every word that I say. I would love to speak my native language for just one day.”

In a talk published by the Foreign Service Institute, Washington D.C., USA, anthropologist, Kalvero Oberg discussed the Culture Shock Syndrome and identified different stages and the consequences of this syndrome. We have seen these stages come to pass time and time again. We will describe it as a circle which can and usually will be made complete during your students’ stay.

Oberg states, “Since much or most of our communication is non verbal, our peace of mind depends on understanding the signs and symbols that give us cues on ways to orient ourselves to our situation. In a different culture we do not know what to say when we meet people, when to shake hands, how to give orders in a restaurant, how to read facial expressions, or when to take a statement seriously or not.

“Individuals differ greatly in the degree to which culture affects them. But those who have observed people go thought culture shock and onto a satisfactory adjustment, have discerned the following steps in the process.

“The first phase can be called the ‘honeymoon’ phase. This is the tourist mentality: the person is curious, interested and fascinated by all that is new. It may last from a few days or weeks to six months. For most individuals this normally disappears, however, once the real conditions of life must be dealt with.

“The second phase is the ‘hostile’ phase. This is the stage characterized by hostility and an aggressive attitude towards the host country. There is a genuine difficulty in the process of adjustment, brought on by shopping trouble, transportation trouble, school trouble, language trouble and the fact that the people of the host country are largely indifferent to all of these problems. The result: ‘I just don’t like the country, its ways or the people.’ The difficulties seem created by the people of the host country for the visitor’s special discomfort, and there is not attempt to try to account for conditions as they are through an honest analysis of the circumstances that created them. Back home becomes irrationally glorified and people from the home country are sought out so that they can all complain together and talk about the good things they left behind.

“The third phase has been called the ‘grin and bear it’ phase. The person begins to succeed in adjusting to the cultural environment. He may still have some difficulties but his sense of humor returns and instead of criticizing, jokes about his own difficulties. He becomes interested in the people and in the host country. He is now on the road to recovery!

“In the final stage if adjustment, the ‘effective’ phase, the visitor accepts the customs of the country as just another way of living, another way of constructing reality. He has lost the anxiety, although there are still moments of strain. Only with a complete grasp if all cures of social intercourse will the strain disappear. He actually begins not only to accept the food, drink, habits and customs, but actually to enjoy them, and when he leaves the country, he will genuinely miss it and the people to whom he has become accustomed.”

You will most likely see your student in the ‘honeymoon’ or ‘hostile’ phase shortly after arrival. The kids who are in the ‘honeymoon’ phase tend to plummet when they come back down to reality and realize that making friends and adjusting is a lot harder than first realized. The day to day structure of school, study, sports, etc. can become routine and mundane. As mentioned, home becomes unrealistically glamorized. It is very helpful at this point to help your student understand that what he is feeling is very normal and predicted. What your student is saying and feeling has been felt by many exchange students before him/her. Encourage your student to not stay stuck where s/he is. Help your student realize that s/he will regret it if s/he goes home hostile and was never able to embrace his/her host country and family. Your student can never do this year over again.

As you see your student move on to the ‘effective’ phase, encourage and praise him/her for it. Help your student see how far s/he has come since s/he first arrived. Keep your student focused on all of the positive experiences s/he is having. Before you know it, s/he may come to you with tears in his/her eyes and say “I don’t know how I’m going to leave here”. Then you know your student has come full circle. This is very critical for host families and students to understand. The more it hurts to say ‘good-bye’, the more you know you did it right! You know you have made it full circle!

Students are told that they have the responsibility of adapting to their host family. The family is not required to adapt to their student’s way of doing things. The following guide was written to help you understand ACE’s philosophies on certain aspects of hosting a student. This is a basis for you; we know that each host family is as unique as each student.

This may be one of the more major adjustments that your student has to make. It is not unusual for most teenagers to resist guidance from adults. It is even more so the case if the student is from a culture where teens are expected to think independently and make a lot of their own decisions. The catch is that some cultures expect their teenage children to make their own decisions but still do many daily tasks for them. You may then have a student who wants a lot of independence yet wants to be taken care of. This is a common dilemma in most homes with teenagers. If a child was raised in an environment where this is the cultural norm it will be very difficult for him/her to think any other way. Do not be surprised if your student feels that supervision by any authority figures causes him/her to feel that’s/he is being treated like a child. It will be an adjustment for your student to accept the supervision that is normal in most American homes. Try not to be offended by his/her resistance. Do remember, however, that you have the right and the responsibility to set down rules even if the student believes that they interfere with his/her freedom and independence.

The pre-conceived notions about modesty in foreign countries are almost humorous at times. If your student walks from the bathroom to his/her bedroom in a towel, s/he is not trying to alarm anyone or draw attention to his/herself. We have been telling these students that they will be members of your family. In many countries around the world it is quite common for family members to walk around quite immodestly clothed. Do not be alarmed. Simply tell your student that s/he needs to wear a robe and close his/her bedroom door while dressing. This is an issue that should be addresses up front to avoid embarrassment. Just remember, the more direct you are about a situation, the better it will be received by your student.

Manners are typically instilled in our children early on. Such is the situation in every other culture. However, manners are usually a code of ethics used to avoid being rude or offensive and this code varies greatly from one culture to another. Your student may do or say something that seems entirely appropriate to him/her, especially because s/he is communicating in a foreign language and trying his/her best to choose the right words. Some languages, believe it or not, do not include a word or phrase for “please”. Your student doesn’t want to embarrass him/herself by being rude anymore than you want them to. The best approach is to coach and guide your student to understand what is polite and proper in your home and community. Your student will appreciate this guidance as it will make establishing friendships that much easier.

It is also a good idea to help your student understand the colloquialisms and slang that we often use. They will fee very lost in the conversation if they don’t understand and may at some point use a slang term inappropriately. Help your student with pronunciation and proper use of words. They may feel constantly corrected but will be rewarded with a strong grasp of the English language.

Hopefully your student will come with a willing attitude to attend church with your family if this is a practice for you. It is important, however, that you understand your student’s reservations. S/he may feel that you are trying to impose your beliefs on him/her or change his/her views. If s/he is resistant to attending with you, try to help him/her see the social benefits in the youth activities, music programs, etc. Let your church know ahead of time that your student is coming. The youth group can be prepared to help him/her feel at home rather than wonder who the new stranger is. If your student has made an attempt to attend with you for a few weeks and finds that s/he just doesn’t want to continue do not force him/her to go. You attend your church by choice; s/he should have the same freedom.

Your exchange student is participating in the ACE Academic High School program for the purpose of attending an American high school. Your student must attend high school regularly and take any and all courses required by the school. Three-fourths of your student’s class schedule must consist of academic classes. The balance may consist of elective classes of his/her choice resulting in a full course load per Visa requirements. Your student must conform to and obey the school’s rules and expectations of exchange students. S/he must take a full course load and not miss class excessively or have excessive tardies. School is his/her number one function while s/he is here. Typically, students will be very studious and concerned about turning in their homework in a timely manner. You will be surprised at how little supervision is needed in this area. It may be difficult, however, for your student to adjust to the differences in their American high school. Many European high school students are not required to turn in homework every day. They simply must be prepared to take their exams. Your student may feel that s/he is being treated like a child by being required to bring a note for tardies or turn in homework each day. Help him/her to understand that his/her purpose for coming here was to study in a foreign high school with all of the differences that experience entails.

When your student is selecting his/her classes, s/he must take a full and challenging course of study. Try to help your student select classes that will be challenging but not too hard. Your student’s classes will be reviewed and must be approved by his/her ACE Area Coordinator. If your student receives warning of a failing grade, you must notify your ACE Area Coordinator immediately. Together, you can determine from the student’s teacher why s/he is failing. It may just be the language barrier or the class may be too advanced. Help your student make any necessary adjustments immediately before the grade becomes permanent. It can be helpful for your student to find a classmate to find a student to buddy up with if s/he needs extra assistance.

Your student will probably not receive credit in his/her home country for the coursework s/he does here. Also, be prepared that not every high school will issue a diploma to an exchange student or let them participate in sports or graduation ceremonies. When your student meets with his/her high school counselor for the first time you may be surprised to find that s/he is not place in the grade that you expected. Please help your student to comply with school rules and requirements.

Many exchange students suffer a lot of frustration when it comes to making friends. No one is familiar to them. There isn’t a single person in their life with whom they have that comfortable feeling that comes with being with an old friend. We all know that friendships take time. Many students have said, “I feel like I have to try too hard; I can’t even relax and be myself.” If your student shares this frustration with you, you can assure him/her that this is incredibly normal and that it will just take a little time. Challenge your student to take stock of his/her own attitude and efforts at making friends. If s/he is acting depressed and lonely most teenagers will stay away. If s/he is smiling and projecting a positive attitude, s/he will have friends in no time. It is best that your student not call other exchange students to vent his/her concerns. Other exchange students will rarely offer encouraging advice. They will usually just corroborate with your student and keep her feeling stuck. The best advice is encouragement and patience along with affirmation that this is the normal progression.

One of the best methods of getting in with American kids is to get involved in a sport, club or other activity. If your student is at all outgoing and self-motivated, s/he will make friends easily before too long.

In most European cities, public transportation is easily accessible, reliable and inexpensive. Students are used to getting from one place another independently. once they are here, they find that unless someone drives them it’s not very easy to get around. You may be telling your student that s/he can’t ride his bike when it’s dark or that you do not feel safe with him taking a bus from one part of the city to another. How is s/he to get around? Many students feel somewhat isolated or grounded due to the difficulties of getting around in most parts of America. They have already been told that you are not their chauffeur so they will most likely be hesitant to ask for a ride.

It is recommended that your discuss this issue up front. Help your student find public transportation or purchase a bicycle from a garage sale. Tell him/her where and when it is safe to travel. Also, explain to him/her that carpools and rides are the common form of transportation here and that you may be willing to drive him/her and his/her friends to a movie if the other parent can bring them home. Try to find a system that works for your family early on. Help him/her learn to plan his/her activities ahead to make it easier on everyone.

It will be very exciting for you to share your culinary skills with your exchange student. If you do not usually cook, you will still amaze him/her with the wonderful variety of foods that are available. Your student may be quite surprised to taste peanut butter or to see a real pumpkin. Although this exploration can be fun, keep in mind that your student’s food and dietary habits are probably quite different than yours. Many European students eat a large lunch or mid-day meal and have a simple snack for dinner so do not be alarmed if your student eats a small dinner at night. Also, you may notice that s/he eats meat and bread for breakfast instead of cereal.

If your family eats out often, take into consideration that although this may be built into your budget, it may not work so well for your student.

It may be hard to understand at first but visits from natural parents and/or siblings can be very disruptive to the exchange experience. Your student has finally adjusted to his/her new relationship with you and your family; s/he has gotten past most of the homesickness and is feeling settled in. If his/her natural parents show up for a visit , s/he suddenly feels torn between two families. The student’s parents may question the standards you have set for their child or may bring in other conflicting opinions that may seem to turn your finally peaceful household on its ear. Natural parents may want him/her to take time off from school to travel with them or help them get around. Such a visit is disruptive in a variety of ways and is strongly discouraged. Your student and his/her parents have signed an agreement to not visit your student in the first 6 months of his/her stay and to advise ACE of any planned visit in the latter half of the year.

If your student’s family wants to come for a visit, the first thing you should do is notify your ACE Area Coordinator. She will discuss the visit with you and help you and your student determine whether or not it is appropriate and will help to set boundaries around the visit. Even if you are fully in favor of the visit, you must notify the ACE Area Coordinator ahead of time. Friends or siblings from your student’s home country are never allowed to come and visit by themselves.

Your student is visiting the U.S. as a participant in an academic exchange program, not a travel program. Your student will most likely have various invitations to travel, perhaps even with your family. Remember that this is not a requirement and should not cause a major disruption to his/her school schedule. It is perfectly acceptable to miss a short period of time from school if a travel opportunity arises, but your student must make plans to stay caught up on missed assignments while absent. Traveling that requires your student to miss school should be kept to a minimum. Your ACE Area Coordinator must be notified any time your student will be traveling so s/he will know how to contact him/her in the event of an emergency.

Your student may travel anywhere you travel. If s/he wishes to go on a trip with people other than your immediate family, you must give permission and obtain permission from your ACE Area Coordinator. Your student may only travel when accompanied by an adult of whom you approve. Your student is never allowed to travel alone or with another teenager.

Your student has already agreed to the fact that it may not be possible to obtain a driver’s license while in the U.S. It is not your responsibility to help him/her do so. If your student wishes to obtain a driver’s license, s/he may only do so by participating in a formal Driver’s Education program and may only acquire his/her driver’s license during the final month of the exchange program. Do not sign any agreement to assume responsibility for this class. S/he may only have his/her natural parents assume this responsibility. Your student is not permitted to drive your car for any reason at any time. If and when a driver’s license is obtained, it must be surrendered to his ACE Area Coordinator until s/he returns home. Other than during formal Driver’s Education, your student is not allowed to drive any motorized vehicle at any time. Please always discuss Driver’s Education and your student’s desire to obtain a driver’s license with your Ace Area Coordinator.

Be sure that your student understands from the beginning how our telephone system works. Explain long distance calls, collect calls and phone cards to him/her right away.

Explain that phone cards, which can be purchased over the internet or at any local store, are the easiest and least expensive way to deal with the long distance phone situation. If the you and your student decide that they will reimburse you for making long distance calls, be sure to settle accounts at the end of every month. If the charges are excessive, ask for a deposit up front. Explain that you understand time differences, but that calls are much cheaper at 10 pm than at 12 noon. Much cheaper. Settle this issue at the very beginning. It can become a big issue very quickly.

It is also important to explain to your student how to answer the phone and take messages. Talk to him/her about ‘call waiting’ and what to do when the phone ‘beeps’. Discuss your family rules about phone use.

Your student should not be making regular calls home to his/her family or friends. It can disrupt his/her ability to settle into his/her new family and community. Usually after a call home, your student will feel somewhat melancholy or homesick; the higher the frequency of calls, the worse it can get. Try to encourage your student to write letters and keep the phone calls to a minimum. Once a month is usually the best. Please advise your ACE Area Coordinator immediately if this seems to be a problem for your student.

Your student will furnishing her own spending money during her own spending money during her stay. It is to be used for all personal items, entertainment, school supplies, yearbooks, sports fees, etc. If your student decides to purchase lunch at school rather than prepare it at home, s/he may use his/her money to do so. Your student should never have to borrow money from you or any other source.

When your student first arrives, discuss the arrangements s/he has made with her parents for transferring money to the U.S. A Visa/ATM card works well, as the student can withdraw money from the bank in their home country at an ATM machine. The withdrawal fee is usually fairly expensive so it is advised that your student make monthly withdrawals and then put the money into a savings account from which s/he can make withdrawals whenever money is needed. This is only one option. You should help him/her plan this from the beginning. Also, have a clear discussion about what the money is to be used for and who should pay for what on evenings out or a family trip. If you feel that your student is not budgeting her money properly, please notify your ACE Area Coordinator.

The student will be given health insurance ID card as well as information about the insurance. Please note that in case of emergency, you first call the insurance toll-free number 1-888-239-9229 to acknowledge the accident before you take the student to the doctor.

Please read carefully the insurance explanation in regard what is covered and what is not covered by this insurance. The insurance program is arranged by CMI Insurance Worldwide. Please visit their website to learn about the coverage which is www.cmi-insurance.com

To file a claim, send in a claim form with any medical bills or prescription receipts to:

Administrative Concepts, Inc. (ACI)
997 Old Eagle School Road, Suite 215
Wayne, PA 19087-1706
Tel: 1-888-293-9229

As time goes by you may find the need to evaluate yourself and your relationship with your student. If you feel things have gotten off track a bit and honest discussion and self-evaluation will be quite beneficial. Think back on the feelings and expectations you had before your student arrived. Maybe your student isn’t what your were expecting. Do you remember feeling open-minded about the adventure you were about to embark on? Ten months of living together will not always feel like an exciting adventure. Try to get back to that original commitment to being open and accepting of your student and his/her culture. Think about some positive things you can do to nurture the relationship. Have you gone to any of his/her sports games? Do you pick out one or two items at the store that you know s/he enjoys? Have you committed to a weekly open forum discussion with your student? Are you communicating with your ACE Area Coordinator regularly? It is never too late to start taking positive steps.

It is not uncommon for students and families to experience strong, conflicting emotions when it comes time to say “Good-bye”. Regardless of the relationship, the “Good-bye” is usually permanent and is very difficult to get through. Families sometimes try to ignore the feelings they are having by pretending they don’t exist. Students will sometimes act out their anxiety about returning home by trying to sabotage their relationships with friends and family. After all, it’s much easier to get mad and pretend it doesn’t hurt than to feel pain.

If you find that you or your student is acting in an irrational manner towards the end, understand that many people find themselves in the exact same position. Experienced host families have said, “I feel like we are constantly at each others’ throats. I don’t understand what’s happening and I don’t know how to change it.” It is important to be open with yourself and your student about how you are feeling. Sometimes writing out your feelings can help. Even if you don’t plan to share it with him/her, try writing a good-bye letter to your student. Chances are, you will be able to express what you’ve been keeping inside and come to grips with the fact that it will not be easy to say “Good-bye”. If your student seems to be acting irrationally or having temper tantrums or crying fits, ask him/her this question, “How do you feel about saying goodbye to us?” Chances are , it will be the first time s/he lets him/herself really think about it. If s/he remains closed and says, “I don’t know.” Simply say , “I’m really going to miss you.” S/he should feel safe enough to s/he should feel safe enough to share his/her feeling about leaving with you. As hard as it will be, try not to personalize your student’s self-protective methods of keeping you at a distance. S/he may leave with a stiff upper lip because s/he doesn’t know how else to do it. However, that doesn’t mean that s/he doesn’t care about you and won’t miss you.

Many families feel a sense of sadness or emptiness when their student goes home. It is very helpful for some people to turn to others in the same situation and share memories or laughs about their year gone by. Try to keep in touch with another Host Family in your group (if you are part of one) or feel free to call your ACE Area Coordinator. S/he knows what you’re feeling. S/he just said good-bye too.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact our main ACE office at:

You are also welcome to contact the Office of Exchange Coordination and Designation Bureau of Education and Cultural Exchanges at:

Department of State Toll-Free Number: 1-866-283-9090
Department of State e-mail address: jvisas@state.com
The toll free number can be used by host families, exchange students and the public to report circumstances impacting the students’ health, safety and well being during their exchange visitor programs.